Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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