Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Randomize
