Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
