there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
