And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
that is very illegal...i love you.
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