You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
