I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize