a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
she looked like the before picture.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
