My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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