I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
