my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
