Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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