but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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