If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
