I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
