I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
