If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
They took my balls.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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