I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
