for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
