Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
smell my finger.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
