So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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