weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I puked a lego.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
