do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
