I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
