I wish I could punch you in the face.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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