I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
