saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize