I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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