Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
