Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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