Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
