i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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