I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
