Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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