Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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