My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
