There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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