Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
