Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
