I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
