just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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