My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
