nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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