we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
