We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize