You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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