I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
