She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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