She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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