I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
