Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
