For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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