I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Michael Bay diarrhea
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
