i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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