Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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