last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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