Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
