true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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