Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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