Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
