Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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