are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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