I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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