he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
