I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
