The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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