Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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