i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
