My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I FOUND THE LEGS
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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