Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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