I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
even my farts smell like vagina
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
