so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
