I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
