I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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