My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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