How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
